'No you're not in established labour yet'

Labour does not happen like it does on television, well not in my experience.  My waters didn't suddenly break and a few our later, pop, baby.  

I first started to feel what I could only imagine were contractions on Monday evening.  I tried to ignore them, partly because I didn't want to jump to conclusions, after all when you've never been pregnant before, you have no idea what contractions will feel like. These felt like strangle dull period pains.  Another reason I ignored them was because I didn't want to believe this was it and that in a few hours my life would change forever!  Plus I really wanted to hold off until after Game of Thrones. 

Anyway after Thrones had finished I decided to tell my other half that I thought I may be having contractions.  He rang his mother to come over and he quickly went to check if the bags were packed and ticked through the list I made him for when I go into labour (sterilising the breast pump just in case, making me a sandwich etc etc).  I rang the labour ward just to ask them what I should do.  Advice (which became tiresome by the end) was stay at home until contractions are consistent a minute long and about 3 minutes  apart. So I stayed in bed, went to sleep, woke up the next morning to nothing!  Not even the memory of the type of pain I'd been experiencing. 

Tuesday we spent the day trying to follow all the advice we had been given, eat plenty, drink plenty, walk, bounce on your ball and all that.  Slowly and faintly the contractions began to return.  We played scrabble to take my mind off it and I watched episode after episode of VEEP.  By the evening the contractions were getting stronger and stronger,  I'd get a batch of contractions about 3 minutes apart, then I'd have a few minutes longer break.  My boyfriend kept telling me to ring the labour ward.  I was sure that it was too early but understandably so, he was worried and wanted reassurance that he wouldn't want to be delivering the baby himself.  I rang and we decided to go into the hospital.  I was examined and I was.... 2cm dilated!  After 24 hours of contractions.  So we were sent home because I was 'not into established labour yet'.

Wednesday was a very similar day.  The contractions were more painful and similarly to the day before they were about the same timings. In the afternoon I had an appointment with the community midwives for a sweep, which didn't happen because I'd already been examined a few hours earlier at hospital.  I explained the pattern of my contractions, to which she said not every woman has text book contractions and that mine may not end up being 90 seconds long and every other minute.  With this in mind and contractions getting more and more painful, we were back at the hospital on Wednesday night/Thursday morning.  I was examined and found to be between 3cm and 4cm dilated, and 'not in established labour yet'. I was given some codeine to help me sleep and sent on my way home. 

Thursday morning I woke up in quite a bit of pain, but not contraction pain.  I'd had some sciatic pain through pregnancy when walking,  this was consistent and I found it very difficult getting comfortable through the day.  I noticed that I was finding it really hard to get on and off the steep step in the garden because my right leg wounding comfortable swing forward and hold my weight.  So I spent the day kneeling over the ball and then trying to recline to reset and get comfortable.  It wasn't much fun.  Slowly, contractions built and I tried to get some rest.  I kept asking my other half to rub my lower back where the sciatic pain was.  He ran me a bath, I had a dip and then spent about 20 minutes struggling to get back out of the bath.  I then lay on my side in bed while he massaged my lower back, then woos!! My waters broke, before I could even contemplate what had happened I began screaming in pain.  Loosing the cushion between the baby and my back was absolute agony!  Particularly where my sciatic pain was.  I rang the hospital and said 'I'm coming in!  Don't ask me any questions!'

The drive over I was in so much discomfort, especially going around round-a-bouts, transferring weight from one butt cheek to the other.  We got to the hospital and I lost a lot more water.  Now my back was unbearable.  

Third time visiting the hospital, even the receptionist felt for me by this point! I got into the delivery suit to go through the same rigmarole of the timings of contractions.  I was honest and, predictably, I was told 'you're not in established labour yet'.  But she could see I was in a lot of pain with my back.  She gave me some morphine and said she would see how I get on with that and see if relieves the pain at all.  Through the night and into the early hours of the morning she kept coming back, asking me how I was and checking my contraction timings.  If I had a penny for every time she checked the contraction timer and said 'you're not in established labour', I'd have hired a nanny already. I was using an app on my phone to count the contractions.  As there is a greater risk of infection when the waters have gone, they do not like to check the progress of labour unless they are sure you are in ... established.. labour! So I started to lie and pressed the record button to fit in with what they said it should be.  The morphine began to wear off and I switched to gas and air. She came back and decided to check on my progress and see if it was worth me staying in the delivery suit. I doubt they would have sent me home given the pain I was in with my back, now migrating down my leg, but I think they wanted me out of the delivery suit. I was 8cm dilated.  I punched my fist in the air and say 'hooray, you can't send me home!' This was about 5am Friday morning.

At 7am the midwives changed shifts.  I now had the midwife and student midwife who had sent me home on Tuesday night.  My back and leg was getting worse and worse.  I kept complaining about a cramping feeling down my right leg.  After a while, it was suggested that I get onto my knees and lean over the back of the bed to try and move the baby.  I suddenly realised that I couldn't! My leg wouldn't let me.  I had three people help me to get into position, and in that position I screamed and swore more than I ever have in my life, combined.  Not because of the contractions, but because of my leg.  The midwife suggested we get into the pool to try and take some weight off my back and leg.  I got off the bed, took one step and would have hit the floor had my boyfriend not been holding me. My leg didn't hold my weight, it had lost flection and was numb! So I wasn't allowed in the pool anymore as they were concerned I wouldn't be able to get back out. Instead they got a doctor to come in to assess me, by making me walk around the delivery suite and do some leg exercises.  All I could think was, can't this wait?

My leg pain took over and I could barely notice the contractions anymore.  It wasn't until one of the midwives examined me, found that I was 10cm dilated and said I should be feeling the need to push soon, that I realised, I've felt the need to push for a while but had noticed! So i started to push, but found it hard as I couldn't really feel the contractions any more as it was completely over shadowed.  several times I came lose to asking for an epidural, but the rational part of my brain thought - if you have that, they'll blame any lasting problems with your leg on that!

After what felt like about 2 hours of pushing and 8 hours of "established labour", there was a very purple and confused looking baby on my tummy.  I had forgotten that at the end of labour there would be a baby.  The midwife said to me 'don't worry his head will go back to normal'.  I think she thought I was disappointed, when really I was exhausted, bewildered and in shock!  

I'd done it!

Little Alfred was finally here and weighed 6lb 5oz. And he couldn't have been more perfect, misshaped head and all.  (His head, which I actually didn't think was that bad was a lovely shape before the end of the day).

My leg still isn't back to normal.  I have very little flection in my ankle to raise my foot and I still have patches of numbness on my big toe, and the top of my foot and on the outside of my shin.  When I walk I sort of slap my foot on the ground.  Very elegant.

So anyone who's preparing for their first birth,  don't worry! It's not that bad, as long as you don't have sciatica.

When a stickler for time keeping is late: "Have you had that baby yet?"

Warning: This is a ranting post about being overdue and people's need to ask totally unnecessary questions or make dumb comments.

I was due last Wednesday, I'm now only 3 days (4 days by the time this is published) over due but if one more person asks me that question, I don't think I can be held responsible for my actions. 

As a first time mother, I have absolutely no idea what a contraction is going to feel like.  I hear it's like a bad period pain, but to be honest, I don't get those very much.  I always imagined contractions would feel incredible tight!  Like my insides are caught in a vice.  But thats not what my menstrual pains feel like.  So at the moment it's a bit of a guessing game. 

It's not like things aren't happening, things seem to be on the move and for a week now, I've felt like labour could begin at any moment.  On Sunday evening in fact I was so sure that I was in the very early stages of labour that I repacked my hospital bags and got myself into the bath thinking, "right the midwife said have a bath and take some paracemetamol, then try to get some rest, so bed straight after this". . . 

Then, nothing! 

Monday came and went.

Tuesday I woke up all aches and pains and thought, okay this could be it,  so I downloaded a contraction counter . . . then nothing. 

Wednesday I woke up early with bad pains, and thought this could be it! I'll start timing these, but I fell back to sleep.  I woke to find that the plug had come out too! Woohoo! Especially as this was my due date and I'd booked in for a membrane sweep.  But nothing! no more aches and pains.  So I went to my midwife appointment and told them the news about the pains and the plug.  She said this was great news and should mean the sweep could be a success.  But alas - the sweep was not possible as the baby's head was not quite low enough.  Not to worry, the midwife said we could try again in a couple of days. We booked a re-try for Friday.  I left with the knowledge that even though my cervix was soft and had shrunk, it had barely dilated at all!

Thursday morning I woke up early, horrible achey menstrual type pains all over my front and back. "this could be it, I'll start timing these in a bit" then I fell back to sleep . . . then nothing all day!

Friday morning I wake up, menstrual pains all down my legs and back.  "this probably isn't it, I should go back to sleep".  We make our way to the midwife appointment,  all geared up because I know what to expect now from a sweep (uncomfortable with a lot of pressure,  made worse by the fact that my cervix seems to be half way up my spine at these appointments, but not as bad as a cervical screen). Then the midwife, who was not the same lady as the one I saw on Wednesday explained that sweeps are more likely to be successful the longer you leave them.  I look at her with a face of 'so...?' She continues to explain that they can only legally do two sweeps (this was news to me), so if she does one today then that's my lot, and that it might be better to wait for next week when I'm 41 weeks.  I agree, after all they are the experts.   Then as I got in the car I though 'but I've not even had a sweep yet!'  When I get home I ring them back and explain that on Wednesday I didn't actually have a sweep, so surely that can't count as one.  We discussed it for a little bit, most of my arguments beginning with 'yes but...' However it seemed this midwife was adamant that the internal exam counts as a sweep.  So I decided to drop it and leave it hoping to see a more negotiable midwife next time, after all I'd just spent 5 minutes arguing her professional judgement, did I really want her carrying out the procedure now?

Late Friday night (Or Saturday morning) I wake again with the same menstrual pains.  "..." no thoughts this time.  It's just a thing that seems to happen.  

Despite all of the false alarms and the perpetual boredom of waiting, particularly when your limited to what you can actually achieve in the day with sciatica creeping down your right side after just a few steps, the worst thing about being over your due date, is people asking you if you've had the baby yet. 

Can you see a baby?  Can you see the size of my belly?  Do you think I'm crossing my legs to keep him in?  Do you really think I wouldn't let you know if I'd had the baby?  Do you not realise that despite the agony pulsating down my right side with every step I take, that I still try to walk at least 1 mile a day to get this baby out?  Do you not realise that I spend about 2 hours a day bouncing on my birthing ball while I slowly develop motion sickness?  Do you not understand how much sleep I am vetoing in order to sleep on my left side, even when my left hip feels as though it's going to crumble under the pressure, all because I'm told sleeping on the right side doesn't give baby as much room to drop?

I'm doing all I can to get this baby ready to be born.  He's just not ready yet!

I'm even trying all the old wives tales that everyone keeps recommending just  so I can say 'yeah I tried that it didn't work'.  All of which I am 100% don't ever work! If you ate a curry and went into labour, you would have probably gone into labour if you'd have had scrambled eggs on toast.

I'm trying hard to make the most of this time, knowing that life is about to change dramatically and I won't ever know peace and quiet quite like this.  But I hate waiting around! Especially for people! He should know this.  It's hard for me not being in control of a big life change like this.  Perhaps this is my first hard lesson of being a parent; my usual need to be in control and have everything organised and ready to go is now going to have to be ignored!

40 weeks 1 day

Being pregnant: Part 4

Horror stories and hospital bags.

(Don't worry, there are no horror stories in this entry!)

Telling friends and family that I was pregnant was definitely one of, if not the greatest thing about being pregnant. Everyone was so full of love and it made you feel like you were definitely doing the right thing.  Making people cry tears of joy (for a change!) will always stay with me and make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

However...  get to the third trimester and a lot of people suddenly change from "congratulations/ I bet you can't wait / what wonderful news! / Wow a new baby" to seemingly wanting to make you terrified and full of regret.  Now, this is my first baby so my experiences of a new born are very VERY limited - I don't know many babies, and I've never changed a nappy,  but I think of myself as a bright and capable girl.  I know that my life will never be the same, I know I'll be up several times in the night to see to baby, I can see how leaving the house in the mornings will be much more challenging.  I don't need people to keep reminding me that "Oh you won't be able to do that when the baby comes/ make the most of your sleep now because you won't get any when the baby comes / When the baby comes you know you'll have no time for yourself right?"  

I don't know what makes people think that these kinds of comments are helpful.  Why anyone would want to worry a mum to be very soon that filling her with a sense of dread is beyond my comprehension.  It does nothing but make me want to walk away from them and if anything, makes me feel that if I want to ask for help, I'm backed into a corner because I don't want to hear those words "I told you so".  

So if you find that you're about to say anything along these lines to a soon to be parent, just don't! Be helpful, offer words of encouragement.  Don't get me wrong, this is not what everyone does.  We've found now that we only talk about the impending arrival with positive people and we're starting to shut the negative nancys out. Lots of people keep reminding us it's the best thing ever and agree that they had so many scary comments from others, their advice; just ignore them, life is going to be different, but different doesn't mean bad. Let us enjoy the moment. 

Other than if I have particular questions about labour, particularly as I fill out my birth plan, I've also banned people from talking about their birth stories.  It's hard to vet what they will say before it's too late and you have a horror story engraved in the back of your head. 

As a first time mum, I feel, this may vary from area to area, that midwives seem to have a pretty high expectation of my knowledge of what happens during birth. At my 34/40 appointment I was given a bounty pack and told to read the magazine which had lots of info on labour and begin thinking about my birth plan. Well the magazine inside was a product guide, so that was no help. At my 36/40 appointment, my usual midwife wad away. I explained that the pack given to me had no info on birth plans but was advised to have it written be the next appointment. Luckily I'm literate and have access to the internet. For women who can't read I can only imagine their frustration. I certainly know I left feeling upset that no one was prepared to go through my options with me for what is going to be one of the biggest moments of my life.

Fortunately, parent information class began that week and we were able to discuss labour. My birth plan is complete, yet to be read by my midwife but ready to go for the appointment in week 38/40. For more information on labour and birth plans visit  Nhs choices which also allows you to type you birth plan covering all different aspects in an easy to use pro forma. A bit like applying for a job. I also found The Labour information pack from Emma's diary to be helpful and informative. I decided this is what my midwife had meant to give me at my 34 week appointment.

But remember, birth plans are there so that health professionals know what your wishes are. It may not always be possible to follow through with all or any of which you have planned. I have complete faith in the NHS and am sure those looking after me will do their best to see us all through the birth safely.

So my hospital bags are packed! Well partially. I've looked several places for advice on how to pack your hospital bag, but really nothing is better than asking those who've been there and done that. My bag is about 30% snacks at the moment. High protein bars and sweets to give me the energy boost in probably going to need. I've also had lip balm from friends who've told me just how much gas and air dries your lips, and dry shampoo, to refresh yourself if you can't get to the shower. 

I've also packed a bag for the baby. It's hard to know how long we could be at the hospital for so I've packed about 4 muslin squares, about 4 body suits and 3 spacesuits. Even though he's due in "summer" -British summer lets not forget, I was advised to pack a hat or two and a cardigan. It's easy to forget this little one has been living in a very warm place for the last 9 months and has never felt a cool breeze. 

Do you have any other handy tips or advice for hospital bags? I've read there should be one for the birth partner too, but he's a grown man, he can sort out his own.

Being pregnant: Part 3

Keep moving.

That seems to be what the third trimester is all about. Suddenly you go from being pregnant, to being pregnant-pregnant, seriously pregnant, a soon to be mother.

I chose to take my maternity leave 4 weeks before by due date, with the added bonus of Easter which actually made it 6 weeks before d day. Some women I've met worked right up until their due date so they could have more time the other side with their baby. I feel this is completely down to the individual and is something you must decide for your self. If I'd done this I would have been completely unprepared for baby's arrival.

There are plenty of very stressful jobs out there and careers that don't just stay within working hours. As a teacher I found I had very little, usually no time during evenings and weekends to get any baby stuff done. Truth be told I only ever had time to think about being pregnant during the holidas. The rest of the time I just felt like a very tired and very sick teacher. Plus I was sick of sitting in tiny chairs, which I was later assured was great for squatting, but as I discovered from a back massage in my second trimester was killing my upper back.

Had I had the time, I wish I'd have began pre-natal yoga and aqua natal sooner. I began yoga at about week 27. I learnt so much (and discovered the horrifying truth that I had been splitting my abdominal muscles). I began to learn things about birth and started to really realise that this was something I'd be going through in the very near future. Time had flown since I first became pregnant, as it will do when you only really have time to be pregnant during your holidays. Pregnancy yoga teaches you all about breathing techniques you will need to help you get through Labour, as well as manoeuvres you can do to try and ease pain, and possibly, most importantly optimal foetal positioning (off). That is things you can do to try and get baby in the best position for Labour. For more on ofp visit Belly belly.

I loved it so much when I got on to maternity leave I joined a second class, which I'm very glad I did as the government cuts to funding within children centres meant that the mid wife led yoga session was cancelled with very little warning. There are 3 children's centres in the town I live, all off which seem to be less and less utilised, despite the fact that they all come with a hall, a kitchen and most of them with an early years room. I understand that now they are mainly only utilised for vulnerable families. Which well surely increase as community centres for news families are becoming less and less accessible.

As soon as I began maternity leave and was suddenly able to get the sleep I needed, the aches and pains began. I don't know if this was just a coincidence of timing, or if it had something to do with the fact that I spent more time lying down or sitting down.  One day a simple sneeze made me feel as though I'd broken a rib or two. The pain lasted a couple of weeks. I believe this may have been down to the increase in elastin and the extra weight in the uterus, as well as the fact that my baby loved hanging out on my right side. But it was a contributing factor to also beginning aqua natal. If this is something which is available in your area, I highly recommend it. It's not only n great fun, but you also have the opportunity to feel weightless and light. As someone who is generally quite active and misses body pump, I enjoyed using  the water as resistance training too. Usually these classes only take a small number of participants so book ahead.