Being pregnant: Part 4

Horror stories and hospital bags.

(Don't worry, there are no horror stories in this entry!)

Telling friends and family that I was pregnant was definitely one of, if not the greatest thing about being pregnant. Everyone was so full of love and it made you feel like you were definitely doing the right thing.  Making people cry tears of joy (for a change!) will always stay with me and make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

However...  get to the third trimester and a lot of people suddenly change from "congratulations/ I bet you can't wait / what wonderful news! / Wow a new baby" to seemingly wanting to make you terrified and full of regret.  Now, this is my first baby so my experiences of a new born are very VERY limited - I don't know many babies, and I've never changed a nappy,  but I think of myself as a bright and capable girl.  I know that my life will never be the same, I know I'll be up several times in the night to see to baby, I can see how leaving the house in the mornings will be much more challenging.  I don't need people to keep reminding me that "Oh you won't be able to do that when the baby comes/ make the most of your sleep now because you won't get any when the baby comes / When the baby comes you know you'll have no time for yourself right?"  

I don't know what makes people think that these kinds of comments are helpful.  Why anyone would want to worry a mum to be very soon that filling her with a sense of dread is beyond my comprehension.  It does nothing but make me want to walk away from them and if anything, makes me feel that if I want to ask for help, I'm backed into a corner because I don't want to hear those words "I told you so".  

So if you find that you're about to say anything along these lines to a soon to be parent, just don't! Be helpful, offer words of encouragement.  Don't get me wrong, this is not what everyone does.  We've found now that we only talk about the impending arrival with positive people and we're starting to shut the negative nancys out. Lots of people keep reminding us it's the best thing ever and agree that they had so many scary comments from others, their advice; just ignore them, life is going to be different, but different doesn't mean bad. Let us enjoy the moment. 

Other than if I have particular questions about labour, particularly as I fill out my birth plan, I've also banned people from talking about their birth stories.  It's hard to vet what they will say before it's too late and you have a horror story engraved in the back of your head. 

As a first time mum, I feel, this may vary from area to area, that midwives seem to have a pretty high expectation of my knowledge of what happens during birth. At my 34/40 appointment I was given a bounty pack and told to read the magazine which had lots of info on labour and begin thinking about my birth plan. Well the magazine inside was a product guide, so that was no help. At my 36/40 appointment, my usual midwife wad away. I explained that the pack given to me had no info on birth plans but was advised to have it written be the next appointment. Luckily I'm literate and have access to the internet. For women who can't read I can only imagine their frustration. I certainly know I left feeling upset that no one was prepared to go through my options with me for what is going to be one of the biggest moments of my life.

Fortunately, parent information class began that week and we were able to discuss labour. My birth plan is complete, yet to be read by my midwife but ready to go for the appointment in week 38/40. For more information on labour and birth plans visit  Nhs choices which also allows you to type you birth plan covering all different aspects in an easy to use pro forma. A bit like applying for a job. I also found The Labour information pack from Emma's diary to be helpful and informative. I decided this is what my midwife had meant to give me at my 34 week appointment.

But remember, birth plans are there so that health professionals know what your wishes are. It may not always be possible to follow through with all or any of which you have planned. I have complete faith in the NHS and am sure those looking after me will do their best to see us all through the birth safely.

So my hospital bags are packed! Well partially. I've looked several places for advice on how to pack your hospital bag, but really nothing is better than asking those who've been there and done that. My bag is about 30% snacks at the moment. High protein bars and sweets to give me the energy boost in probably going to need. I've also had lip balm from friends who've told me just how much gas and air dries your lips, and dry shampoo, to refresh yourself if you can't get to the shower. 

I've also packed a bag for the baby. It's hard to know how long we could be at the hospital for so I've packed about 4 muslin squares, about 4 body suits and 3 spacesuits. Even though he's due in "summer" -British summer lets not forget, I was advised to pack a hat or two and a cardigan. It's easy to forget this little one has been living in a very warm place for the last 9 months and has never felt a cool breeze. 

Do you have any other handy tips or advice for hospital bags? I've read there should be one for the birth partner too, but he's a grown man, he can sort out his own.

Being pregnant: Part 3

Keep moving.

That seems to be what the third trimester is all about. Suddenly you go from being pregnant, to being pregnant-pregnant, seriously pregnant, a soon to be mother.

I chose to take my maternity leave 4 weeks before by due date, with the added bonus of Easter which actually made it 6 weeks before d day. Some women I've met worked right up until their due date so they could have more time the other side with their baby. I feel this is completely down to the individual and is something you must decide for your self. If I'd done this I would have been completely unprepared for baby's arrival.

There are plenty of very stressful jobs out there and careers that don't just stay within working hours. As a teacher I found I had very little, usually no time during evenings and weekends to get any baby stuff done. Truth be told I only ever had time to think about being pregnant during the holidas. The rest of the time I just felt like a very tired and very sick teacher. Plus I was sick of sitting in tiny chairs, which I was later assured was great for squatting, but as I discovered from a back massage in my second trimester was killing my upper back.

Had I had the time, I wish I'd have began pre-natal yoga and aqua natal sooner. I began yoga at about week 27. I learnt so much (and discovered the horrifying truth that I had been splitting my abdominal muscles). I began to learn things about birth and started to really realise that this was something I'd be going through in the very near future. Time had flown since I first became pregnant, as it will do when you only really have time to be pregnant during your holidays. Pregnancy yoga teaches you all about breathing techniques you will need to help you get through Labour, as well as manoeuvres you can do to try and ease pain, and possibly, most importantly optimal foetal positioning (off). That is things you can do to try and get baby in the best position for Labour. For more on ofp visit Belly belly.

I loved it so much when I got on to maternity leave I joined a second class, which I'm very glad I did as the government cuts to funding within children centres meant that the mid wife led yoga session was cancelled with very little warning. There are 3 children's centres in the town I live, all off which seem to be less and less utilised, despite the fact that they all come with a hall, a kitchen and most of them with an early years room. I understand that now they are mainly only utilised for vulnerable families. Which well surely increase as community centres for news families are becoming less and less accessible.

As soon as I began maternity leave and was suddenly able to get the sleep I needed, the aches and pains began. I don't know if this was just a coincidence of timing, or if it had something to do with the fact that I spent more time lying down or sitting down.  One day a simple sneeze made me feel as though I'd broken a rib or two. The pain lasted a couple of weeks. I believe this may have been down to the increase in elastin and the extra weight in the uterus, as well as the fact that my baby loved hanging out on my right side. But it was a contributing factor to also beginning aqua natal. If this is something which is available in your area, I highly recommend it. It's not only n great fun, but you also have the opportunity to feel weightless and light. As someone who is generally quite active and misses body pump, I enjoyed using  the water as resistance training too. Usually these classes only take a small number of participants so book ahead.